Story of My Life. . . ( no really, it is )

Wedding Bliss!

2011-04-11T13:45:00.006-05:00

I made my first wedding cake!
(And cupcakes too! Can't forget about those!)

Here's a link to the photographer's website so you can see them "in action".
She was super nice, and this was her first wedding too! I think she did an amazing job :)

** Angelina and Kyle's Wedding **

There aren't too many on there yet, so for the impatient

- and just cause I want to -

here are a few of my own:

Here it is naked.

And here it is all dolled up.

The glamour shot. Sigh. . .

One pretty little lady.

Pretty little ladies all in a row.

The whole shebang.

2011-03-29T00:38:00.000-05:00

I feel like I should include this cake in my repertoire because it was really fun to make! I made it about a week and a half ago for a family friend's birthday (age will not be revealed, no worries!). It's kind of a take on these cupcakes that I made last summer.

A big old pile of fries for my parent's friend Chris!

Look at that pile of fry goodness!

Apparently one of Chris's favorite food specialties is homemade fries and a special dip that he makes himself ("absolutely no ketchup" I was told! Thus the yellow) I got kind of lazy with pictures, but there was an accompanying "dip" that went with it as well.

I'm sure his fries are a lot better than these ones, but hopefully they sufficed for the evening!

A life's dream.

2011-02-08T21:59:00.001-06:00

Why do I even pretend that I have a blog? I never freakin write on this thing. Just the odd post every now and then so I feel like I'm writing SOMETHING. This is definitely one of those odd posts. . . updates and life snippets that I feel like my alter egos need to share with the world.

Big news in my baking life. . . I finally bought my Kitchenaid stand mixer! It will arrive in a few short days and I'm fairly certain I will weep tears of joy. It is pretty- it is shiny- it is blue. I'm still having pangs of possible wrong decision when I think of all the colors I left behind. Oh, Pistachio. I am so, so very sorry. If I could justify having many many stand mixers I would pick you. The same goes for you Boysenberry. And you too Green Apple, Ice, and Persimmon. Sigh. But since I don't have the means to have 6 stand mixers. . .

<----------- . . . this is what I DID pick. And I think it's pretty.

2010-12-14T18:19:00.002-06:00

For the sake of posting something, here's our Christmas bulb for this year!

Pretty yellow :)

I've been shirking my Christmas baking responsibilities so far this year, but hopefully soon!

Chocolate covered cherries. . . yum!

2010-10-16T20:32:00.000-05:00

Joe and I were in Menards looking at floor tile the other day and we took the traditional walk through "Christmas Wonderland" as I call it. Frickin love Christmas Wonderland.

There was this section of identical plastic yard santas all in a row, and my first thought was: our neighbors yard.There are people down the road a bit from us that pack in as many lawn decorations as humanly possible into their front yard for every obscure holiday known to man. Even duplicates of the same things. It's ridiculous. I want to knock on their door, say "I just wanted to meet you", and then turn around and go home.

My second thought was: Terracotta Santa army! How cool would it be to get a bunch of plastic light up yard santas, paint them, and line them up in your front yard? Hilarious.

Joe did his classic eyebrows raised, awkward smile ". . . yeah. . ." like he does in response to all of my silly ideas. I still think it's awesome.

I figured that I'm not even close to the first person to think of this, but I'm not going to google it so I can go on thinking that I was.

2010-10-13T10:10:00.004-05:00

One of the many questions I'm looking forward to finally having an answer to in the end will be whether or not Teddy Bears have feelings. I don't know about yours, but I'm pretty sure mine does. His name is Buster.

House of Memos

2010-09-25T19:48:00.000-05:00

A year or so ago when Joe and I were looking for houses, we visited a house that had little laminated notes in various places. For instance one by a light switch that said "turn off the light". Or one by the basement door that said "shut the door". Or my favorite, one by the door exiting the kitchen that said, simply, "stove". At the time I thought it was kinda goofy and giggled at it.

I was reading an article about Alzheimer's (like many of the random things I read about), and it mentioned how note-obsessed some Alzheimer's patients become because it helps them keep with a routine and helps them remember important things they would otherwise overlook.

It reminded me of the house, with all it's neat and tidy little reminders in strategic places. I think that maybe the previous owner of this particular house was an older woman/gentleman who was maybe having a hard time remembering to do simple little things like turning off lights, or important things like turning off the stove before they left the room. And that maybe they had to move into a nursing home or even worse, they're not with us any more, and that's why the house was up for sale.

It made me kind of glum and feel very sad for this person.

2010-09-18T22:22:00.000-05:00

Doesn't Aladdin's lamp look more like a fancy gravy boat than anything else?

2010-09-04T14:06:00.001-05:00

I'm sitting with my feet in a bubbly, lavender scented foot bath, watching the early seasons of Gilmore Girls, and crocheting a very sad-looking yellow scarf. After the water gets cold I fully intend to do my nails. And then maybe I'll make some cookies. Life is very good.

Gd Bi Jo Sc H!

2010-08-28T19:27:00.002-05:00

I have the pleasure of saying that I am the proud owner of a new oven! Oh, what my life has been without it! My thoughts are now overwhelmed with the possibility of cupcakes and cookies and cakes and who knows what else! Thank you so much to my parents who actually snuck into my house while I was at work to install it for me!

My first baking project with my new awesome oven was another "Farewell" cake/cupcake combo for a coworker. His name is Josh, and he's leaving us to complete his last couple years at UMD on his way to becoming a chemical engineer (chump). He requested treats when he saw the Black Lotus cake I did for Aaron because he wanted to feel cool on his last day - and who would blame him? My treats are superb.

I was looking through my books and brainstorming a few days in advance, when Joe (my unintentional muse) suggested doing something with the Periodic Table of Elements. I immediately loved and feared the idea of a cupcake periodic table!

Loved because I instantly saw all the pretty colors I got to play with. Feared because, well. . . that's a lot of frickin cupcakes!

I used the good ol' Google machine and saw that a few people have done this already, but if you ask for my non-professional opinion, they all looked kinda shabby. I had a stroke of semi-genius and decided to do mini cupcakes with royal icing squares representing different elements on top.

More precise. More symmetrical. Easier to prepare in advance. Cool, I thought.

So I set to work the next day, making square outlines in royal icing to later be filled with colors and decorated with symbols and numbers.

After what felt like too many sheets of those were made, I picked and mixed colors. I used the flooding technique of royal icing to fill in the pre-dried squares, which, I must say, I'm a huge fan of now. I had never tried it until then.

Look at all the pretty squares :) It started to remind me of Candy Land!

That was day one. I figured I'd let the icing set overnight to be safe. I didn't want another graduation cake fiasco on my hands.

Day two I mixed up some black royal icing to pipe symbols onto the color squares. About halfway through this though, I had a change of heart when it dawned on me how huge this display was going to be. So in the name of remaining counter space at work and easier transport, I decided to make just 40 or so cupcakes with random symbols other than go for the whole shebang and do 118.

And to make sure Josh got his own dose of special, I make him a mini round cake with his own little message on it.

So there you have it, my half-aced Periodic Table of Elements cupcakes! (and cake of course).

Crinkle Fries!

2010-08-20T12:49:00.005-05:00

Joe's work is having another pot luck thing tomorrow, so I took the opportunity to make something else from the book! (Hello Cupcake! , if you're wondering. This one came from the second book, What's New, Cupcake?) Still ovenless, I had to buy some overly expensive naked cupcakes to decorate, which makes me feel sad and cheap.

Anyway, here they are!

I think they got a little over done in the broiler. . .

Look at all that fry goodness! They look so real! But don't worry, it's only pound cake :)

Little ketchup cups!

And the "ketchup" bottle adds a nice little touch :)

UPDATE: There was a prize attached to this particular pot luck. People got to vote for the best food item and, much to the dismay of the guy who made Pinwheels and a fruit salad (ninja, please), we won! We got a brand new black Nintendo Wii, $20 worth of Cub gift cards, and a bunch of little odds and ends. We already had a Wii, but who freakin cares!

Farewell, Aaron!

2010-07-18T16:10:00.010-05:00

So, my oven's been broken. I've missed a lot of baking opportunities, and that sucks. Well, last Friday was my boss's last day at our store, and I felt like I HAD to do something! I bought a completely naked quarter sheet cake from Cub (at a ridiculously steep price for just a slab of dry cake, mind you!), and made my favorite frosting to decorate it with.

My boss used to own his own nerdy little gaming store, and he hosts Magic tournaments on Friday nights, so I decided to do my best frosting rendition of a Black Lotus. Which, as all you nerdy little gaming people out there know, is one of the more well-known and most rare cards. And the only one I could think of doing. . .

So, without further ado, I give you. . . my Black Lotus:

I'm not a very skilled artist when it comes to traditional things like drawing, so when my free-hand skills produced this, I was a little proud!

I'm not terrific at lettering. . . I took my best stab at it :)

Look at all that frosting. . . Mmmm! I used (what is quickly

becoming my favorite) Vanilla Butter Frosting.

Farewell, Aaron! You will be missed :(

Class of 2010! Woot!

2010-06-16T13:25:00.011-05:00

This last weekend was Joe's little sister's high school graduation party (that's a mouthful!). A few months ago, Joe's mom had asked if I would make the cake. Once again, because I was a pretty cheap deal! So I planned, and stressed, and researched every last aspect of making a giant sheet cake in my humble kitchen. Then with the added treat of a 14" round cake on pillars, it was certainly the largest cake I've ever made!

Oh, the frustrated mess I was! My lack of pictures documenting the process is a big indication of that. A lot of things went wrong that I had to tweak on the spot, but I learned. I learned enough to the extent that I'd be comfortable doing this again, and that's saying a lot! Here's the finished product!

Anyone who knows Darlena knows that she loves tigers! And with it being the school mascot as well, I thought it was the perfect surprise for her super chocolate round cake!

_________________________________________________________

Here are some things I learned:

Don't let the first half of the cake set on the board before you have the other cake in place. . . it's pretty hard to flip a half sheet cake without ripping it right down the middle - which it did.

Cool the house down before you start frosting, or, surprise surprise, it'll start melting right off before it has a chance to set.

Under no circumstances should you lose the flippin' frosting spreader that makes the frosting look all nice and smooth. We were looking forever for that thing, and we still haven't found it!

Anticipate having to make 3x the amount of frosting you think you'll need! Have enough ingredients on hand to do so!

Guess what, fondant dries out if you let it sit exposed for any amount of time. Then it breaks like Sanka's dreads in a freezer (Cool Runnings reference anyone?). Use it instantly.

Royal Icing takes longer than a couple minutes to dry. All I read were warnings about how you need to work quickly because it starts to harden instantly. That is absolute crap. Best left to set overnight.

_________________________________________________________

The list goes on. I feel like the finished product lacked my usual standard of craftsmanship. I wish I would have had the time and resources to do a complete test run. But like I said, what I got paid for this thing was a (hugely understated) good deal, and I just couldn't swing it. But once the cake was cut, and after I got my first taste of the blood, sweat, and curse words that were baked into this small triumph of mine, I came to this conclusion: no matter how many flaws I thought I saw, and how inwardly scared I was that everyone would notice them too - it was cake, and my cake is good.

LOST cake

2010-06-15T21:35:00.012-05:00

My baking awesomeness is becoming well known at work. I think the fact that I'm a very cheap deal has something to do with that. . . but all that aside, I was recently commissioned to do a cake for a women I work with who's husband was turning 30. They've been really into the seasons of Lost lately, so she asked me to do something in that general theme. Me, having never seen a single episode of the show, had no clue what to do!

An actual conversation of ours:

Her: "Maybe you could make a Dharma cake?"

Me: "Who's Dharma?"
All Lost fans snicker . . .

So I used the good ol' Google machine, found out that Dharma ISN'T actually a person, and got a few ideas/pictures to go off of. We decided on doing a variation of a cake I saw online. Here's the end result!

I made a mini Dharma cake to incorporate that theme

The polar bear's name is Monty. And yes, he's edible.

THIS is the basic design we played with. Mine's not as cool as hers, but be nice. I did this with one afternoon's notice! And I think my polar bear's cuter!

_____________________________________________

Update: My husband and I have since started watching through the seasons of Lost. Now I feel like I cheated :(

A Birthday Treat for Dad!

2010-06-01T14:40:00.012-05:00

My lateat project was for my dad's birthday. This one is also from "Hello, Cupcake!". There's a new one by the same people that I just ordered today! I'm really excited to get it, but I'm still working my way through this one! I'll just get right to it!

This x 3 =

This + a little Lafft Taffy & some black and clear sugar =

THIS + a few corn holders =

A fun little birthday treat! Cute, huh?

Spaghetti Dolce Da Guiseppe!

2010-05-23T21:49:00.011-05:00

My latest copycat baking project was for a pot-luck lunch at Joe's work last Sunday. I got the "Hello, Cupcake!" book as a gift last Christmas, and I've been wanting to make countless things from it ever since! This time I decided to try the spaghetti. . . a classic pot-luck dish but with the unexpected twist of it, you know, being CUPCAKES! I used a classic yellow cake with cream cheese frosting. Here's the process! :

I made a little variation. . . I used a combo of regular sized cupcakes and a few jumbos to make it look like big flowing mounds of spaghetti other than one big one.

Frost everything so it flows together as much as possible. Holes don't really matter.

Toss the Ferrero Rochers in a bowl with the preserves to coat them well (a lot easier than doing it later!)

The fun part! Just start squirting and squiggling the frosting all over the place! Pretty much impossible to do this part wrong!

Strategically pile on the chocolates (this is where you can cover and plug any holes you didn't cover with frosting!), and let/make the "sauce" run together.

Look at all that meatbally goodness!

For the final touch, grate a little white chocolate over the top for some parmesan cheese!

And just for an over-the-top cuteness factor, we googled a couple of phrases in Italian and made a couple signs. . .

. . .

The final product! It was a definite hit at the pot-luck, which is always good to hear!

I'm excited to make the next one! It's my dad's birthday in a couple of days, so I have some plans :)

World, Meet Nika.

2010-05-04T14:30:00.010-05:00

I don't believe I've introduced anyone to our new dog! We got her about 3 or 4 weeks ago from a rescue in Apple Valley. Her name is Nika (fondly known as "Freak Show"), she's a Husky/Shiba Inu mix, and she's just under a year old. She's just over knee height at about 40 lbs, and she's not going to get much bigger, if at all (which is the perfect size for us!). And since this is already starting to sound like a personal ad. . . "Nika enjoys picking on smaller dogs at the dog park and playing with her Kong Wobbler. More like a cat than a dog, she is a joy to her owners and adored by all who meet her, even though she chews on invaluable objects on occasion! She also gets along very well with cats, which was a huge relief to both her owners and new feline friends! To set up a play date, call. . ." Yikes, I think I took that one too far. And to finish it, a few more pictures:

There are a bunch more pictures of the freak in my online album :)

I would give an arm and a leg for one of these easter baskets. . . oh, just read it.

2010-04-01T13:11:00.017-05:00

For those people that know me more than just a little bit, you know I like baking and craftiness. One of my favorite people to emulate so far is a woman who calls herself "Bakerella". . . a blog that I came across a year or so ago that I am now addicted to. I've recreated quite a few of her ideas now (I might as well call myself "Fakerella". . . an obvious joke but I'll take it), and here are a few of my latest "re"creations! For some reason I haven't been taking pictures of all the things I've done over the months (I've also done Thanksgiving turkeys and a few things from Christmas. . . ), but here's some that I just did for a woman for Easter! Super fun :)

There were Chicks. . .

Flowers. . .

And my personal favorite, Sheep!

With a few little extras thrown it :)

Who doesn't love a good sheep on a stick?! I love doing little projects like these. I do, however, one day look forward to possessing that "finesse" that makes you able to do these projects skillfully and in less than 8 hours. . .

Another random recent thing I've done is make a going-away cake for a girl from work. She had just finished school and was moving to a different state to work with prosthetics, so. . .

Wait for it. . .

A little more. . .

. . . I mutilated a doll in her honor :) Call it creepy all you want, but at LEAST I didn't do the borders in red! That would be crossing a line. I think this is just cookey enough to be flippin' awesome.

2010-01-29T18:45:00.002-06:00

My tombstone may read: "Warning: Mario Kart may cause unsafe and irresponsible driving habits". . .

Little Baking Joys

2010-01-05T19:04:00.003-06:00

You know why I like baking? It's cheap, for the most part. Starting out it's a little expensive I guess, but once you have the basic ingredients you can make most anything plus a few little extra things. Most of the basics (cookies, cakes, pies, etc) are just variances of a few different ingredients. It's wonderful. And I'm good at it. I've been dabbling with the basics lately. I jumped ahead right away to make the fancy stuff but never went through the basics. So that's what I've been doing. Pie crust. Cobblers. Cakes from scratch. Candies. Cookies. So much fun. So far I've discovered the most amazing flaky, buttery pie crust. That even just a white cake from scratch is so much more amazing than one from the box. And there is NEVER a need to double a recipe for gingerbread cookies if you're making them from a recipe intended to make a gingerbread HOUSE. *Big* mess. Overflowing whipped cream and flour everywhere. . . but still delicious :)

The other reason I love baking is that noise Joe makes when he walks through the door after I've been baking up new little things all afternoon :) I never feel more like a wife then at that moment. Knowing that my wonderful creations are going to be sitting heartily in the bottom of our happy stomachs is very fulfilling to me! Is there something so wrong about wanting to be the typical 40s American housewife? Maybe it's just that level of perceived perfection that I know would be completely lost on me. I have not a graceful bone in my body. Besides, I would never be able to get my hair like that. . .

Wakey wakey! (involuntarily. . . at 3 in the morning)

2010-01-01T21:29:00.008-06:00

(Apparently my emotions feel chatty lately... I haven't written in months and suddenly here I am three times in a row!) What's the consensus on dreams and whether or not they have anything to do with your actually life? Are they really just a compiling of random thoughts and and things you've seen and heard recently, or are they something we're supposed to be paying attention to? I have a history of nightmares. I was definitely a "Mom! Can you turn the hall light on?!" kind of a kid. It was a recurring one or two in particular, but they were all generally bad in nature. I can still distinctly remember my first "good dream". I was probably around 8 or 9- I was gardening with Care Bears in this huge forest with a big river running through it! Wow. . . Anyway, not to divulge into my history any more, all move on to the present! Even though I have my share of run of the mill good dreams now, I've been known to have some pretty vividly dark dreams. Things I don't even want to put a picture to but am pretty much forced to now. Like a couple of nights ago. I had one of those dreams that gives you that urgent, disgusted feeling that twists in your stomach for days. It's been making me picture certain people in my life differently, and unfairly. It sucks (she stated eloquently). Are we supposed to pay attention to those dreams no matter how warped or graphic or twisted they are? Or are they only happening because the person HAVING the dreams is warped and twisted?

2009-12-30T21:37:00.002-06:00

I like to bake things. Hank likes his Christmas mouse. And apparently Boo Boo likes to drag around whole bananas. There. Now I've written something in the past two months.

Checking in

2009-10-27T20:56:00.005-05:00

Wow, it's been awhile since my last post. Not that all my avid readers are keeping track or anything . . . but you know how it is. So many things happen all at once. Instead of sorting through them one by one they just jumble into one big clump and you can't tell what's what. So according to this blog, the only thing of consequence that has happened to me in a while is that I had a tooth pulled. GREAT subject matter, that was. Truth is a lot of potentially important things have happened since then, but like my laundry, they're all piling up and I really don't feel like sorting through them at the moment. Don't even know what inspired me to hop on here tonight, just a sour mood I'm trying to dissolve in writing I guess. That and I wanted to check out my friends' new blog about their big Seattle move (Holla!). So here I am, but not for much longer because my head hurts. Bad mood + bad headache = pointless banter about teeth and laundry apparently.

Bye bye #31 :(

2009-07-28T17:38:00.004-05:00

I am short one tooth as of today. I went to the dentist and got a tooth pulled both to my relief (not yet seen, but hopefully soon!) and PAIN. I'm puffy and horrid-feeling and I hate the dentist. Even more now. I used to not mind it much when I was younger, but I've had 3 or 4 too many traumatic experiences to be on good terms with the dentist. But my question is, am I so lame that I feel BAD for my tooth? It's not its fault! And I felt bad because they wouldn't even let me see it when they took it out. I didn't even get to say goodbye!! I guess that's what this is. . . goodbye to my crabby little tooth. You'll be missed I'm sure - like the next time I try to CHEW something probably? :(

2009-07-24T22:13:00.005-05:00

I threw up (posted, rather) some new pictures! Click on the pic at the top right to go to my album!! It's pretty new, so there's not much, but who cares! Everybody loves pictures! And be patient with my little worthless camera. . . it's not its fault it can't do crap. Soon I'll have my D80 and show you what I can REALLY do! That is, when I have over 2 mortgage payments worth laying around. . . sigh.

Funny little bits to make it through the day. . .

2009-06-17T14:03:00.003-05:00

I came across this while I was looking up something else today. Got a bit of a kick out of it. Especially the comments. . . I posted one of my own! Enjoy:

http://blogs.citypages.com/food/2009/06/disabled_stripp.php

In case it ever gets deleted, here's the jist of it:

Disabled stripper wants Constitutional right to White Castle Slyders
By Kevin Hoffman in Food Funnies
Monday, Jun. 15 2009 @ 9:34AM
Yesterday, the Star Tribune's Whistleblower exposed a grave injustice on the front of the Sunday edition: Ariel Wade, a wheelchair-bound ex-stripper, can't drive her mobility scooter through the White Castle drivethru at 11 p.m. when she wants delicious mini-cheeseburgers.
Like all sensible fast food restaurants, White Castle only allows automotive vehicles in the drivethru, for fear that someone like Wade would get run over by an SUV.
But Wade says that's discrimination against the disabled, because the drivethru stays open one hour later than the dining room, and she has a Constitutional right to life, liberty, and late-night Slyders.
White Castle tried to mollify her with coupons, but she immediately went out to sue, and she may actually win:
The Minnesota Disability Law Center is weighing whether to take on Wade's case, said Justin Page, a staff attorney. It's an "unsettled" area of law, with few cases testing the issue, he said. But on first glance, the policy strikes Page as inconsistent with the Americans with Disabilities Act.
"I would argue if you're open 24 hours, you need to be accessible and provide accessibility 24 hours," Page said.

The comments...
Sam says:
This was definately worthy of the front page of the Strib. Sliders > IranPosted On: Monday, Jun. 15 2009 @ 10:01AM

Steve B. says:
So, does this mean people who don't own cars face discrimination, and should be allowed to walk / bike / skateboard through the drive-through, while people who own cars have to drive? Or, are all bets off, and anybody who wants to approach the drive-through window can get service?Posted On: Monday, Jun. 15 2009 @ 10:21AM

George says:
No, it would mean that they can't keep their drive-thru open later than the dining restaurant. Effectively, if they are open for some drivers, they would have to be open for non drivers as well. Right now, bicyclists are in the same position as the poor disabled stripper.Posted On: Monday, Jun. 15 2009 @ 12:26PM

Vitajex says:
I've rounded up some of the local 'entertainers' and we will be holding a benefit show to raise money and awareness about this issue.
Look for "Strippin' for Sliders" at your nearest gas station bathroom soon!Posted On: Monday, Jun. 15 2009 @ 12:31PM

Helm Matthews says:
George is probably right. Whitle Castle may have to keep the restaurant open while the drive-in is open. Posted On: Monday, Jun. 15 2009 @ 12:34PM

Kevin Hoffman says:
If restaurants can't have drive thru's open when the dining room is closed, it will be the end of Taco Bell's "fourth meal" ...Posted On: Monday, Jun. 15 2009 @ 12:42PM

Monicastle says:
I'd say the real injustice here is the butchering of the term Slyders. It's a trademarked proper noun, yo.Posted On: Monday, Jun. 15 2009 @ 12:50PM

Sid Vicious says:
Perhaps if she didn't eat so many sliders, she wouldn't need the scooter!Posted On: Monday, Jun. 15 2009 @ 1:07PM

Kevin Hoffman says:
Fixed spelling on "Slyders," thanks!Posted On: Monday, Jun. 15 2009 @ 1:17PM
s says:
I'm with Steve B. At what point do we stop being so damn sensitive about people who cannot use a particular feature of a store? If I didn't own a car, then what? White Castle should be allowed to run their business. Change the sign to read "open till late; drive-thru open 24 hours". And then, of course, withstand the eventual challenge by people who don't own watches. Or can't tell time.Posted On: Monday, Jun. 15 2009 @ 7:42PM

Acmebetatest says:
Having read the unsympathetic responses on the Strib (unsympathetic? They would have executed Hitler, only because they would have believed that he didn't treat the Jews as badly as they thought they deserved to be!), I think that we now know who contributed the maximum legal contributions to Michele Bachman.Posted On: Monday, Jun. 15 2009 @ 8:26PM

Big Herb Dickerson says:
How come they don't have to let you use the bathroom at night at the Walgreen's in St Cloud? I rather skip a slider than slip a slider.Posted On: Monday, Jun. 15 2009 @ 11:00PM

Ed says:
Watch for this as part of the next Howard and Kumar movie, especially the stripper part...Posted On: Monday, Jun. 15 2009 @ 11:13PM

garffreak says:
Another point about accessibility is the overlying concept of reasonable accommodation. A drive thru, in nature, is not something that can safely--and thus reasonably--accommodate a wheelchair or mobility scooter. ADA does not immediately grant an all-access-pass because you have a disability. There are still going to be unavoidable physical limitations that simply cannot be made equal. Posted On: Monday, Jun. 15 2009 @ 11:58PM

LATASHIA says:
The perfect solution would be to have walk up windows open at the time that drive-thru is open! But what do I know. Posted On: Tuesday, Jun. 16 2009 @ 2:17PM

Ericka says:
Exactly! "Disabled" means that there are some things in life that you just won't be "able" to do. Otherwise the word wouldn't even exist! You don't see someone with a prosthetic arm sueing Hinze because they can't open ketchup bottles. You just have to find a way around it!
On a side note, why the emphasis on her being an ex-stripper? I don't see its impact on her late-night food choices :) Posted On: Wednesday, Jun. 17 2009 @ 2:01PM

Find your own room, 'bou jerk.

2009-06-10T14:24:00.005-05:00

Why does the one guy in the history of mankind to not be afraid of inconveniencing people have to walk into MY Caribou? "Of all the 'bou joints in all the towns in all the world... he walks into mine". Here I am, psyched that I scored one of the private meeting rooms all to myself, door closed, and in bursts Mr. "mind if i sit here" (he asks while already unfolding his laptop and plugging it into the only available wall socket). Douche. Now I have to MUTE my music and start acting all awkward. Because that's JUST what I do, okay? And now he's on the phone. Super douche.

Closer

2009-06-07T22:09:00.004-05:00

Closer by Kings of Leon always reminds me of driving to work at 4 in the morning when I'm in one of those hating life kind of moods. Or driving home from somewhere sucky really late when you're in one of those intense emotional moods. It adds an eerie quality to the drive. Makes things feel more meaningful. I like those kinds of songs - the ones that make you want to create or makes you feel like it's okay to BE really intense. I have a playlist on my Ipod called "The Feeling" for that specific reason. This song is definitely on the list. I feel that any song that can make me feel insightful while playing Primordial Soup with Joe and his little sister (which I am, by the way. Love the game but it's like pulling teeth when you're playing with certain people) . . . is worth a listen.

I don't know how to
add videos so check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkGhDHP093M

Guess I'm not as origional as I thought...

2009-06-04T16:35:00.005-05:00

I like to think that I enjoy unique music. I love music in general and am always in search of the ultimate playlist. I even have a list on my Ipod called "ultimate". A friend of mine recently hooked me up with a way to get all the music I could handle at a very deep discount, which IS awesome if I do say so myself. So today I was at Target perusing the music section to see if I wanted to add anything to my collection when, to my embarrassment, I could say that I had 75% of the CDs in the "best sellers" section. Not cool for someone who prides herself on the unique nature of her songs . . . I think my problem is the fact that I don't listen to the radio that often so I don't know what's popular, therefore I think I found these awesome bands all on my own. Guess I should pay more attention to pop culture! I do have to say though. . . when they started playing the Ting Tings on KDWB (for those of you not from MN, it's "like totally the coolest radio station around"), I was a little upset.

No, not dirty dreams...

2009-06-02T16:40:00.007-05:00

I hate it when you have one of those dreams that wrench in the pit of your stomach all day. The ones that make you feel kind of... off. Like you just watched a truly disturbing movie, or one that inspires you to do or create something. And as hard as you try you can't shake the eerie feeling it gave you. These kind of dreams always paint the characters in such a good color, even the people you would normally label the villain. They make you want to cling to the decency that your psyche somehow created from a bad situation. And what's worse is you feel guilty being consumed by this overwhelming feeling of longing to live in this dream life you fought to forget in the first place - This life you held as a little secret in your heart that you only visit unwillingly in dreams.

A movie that makes me want to do something:

(Especially the part where Maggie Gyllenhaal is talking about dropping out of Harvard Law and making the world a better place with cookies!)

THE MOVIE LIST

2009-04-29T15:20:00.022-05:00

A While ago, Joe and I started playing this little "game" for watching movies to keep us from going out and buying a new movie every night (we had a problem!). Every movie we watch has to be SOMEHOW connected to the previous movie by a person, song, someone on a different movie they mention by name, what have you. We have a pretty padded collection so we thought this would keep us occupied for a while... and it has! I also thought it would be fun to keep track and write it down! It's a pretty fun game, you should try it!

I'm posting this list on my little blog simply because it'll be easier to keep track of! You in NO WAY need to feel obligated to read this! And if for some weird reason you do, if I misspelled any names, shush. I'm not going to take the time to look everyone up!

I have lists on, like, three different pulled out pages that I keep losing. SO, I'm making an editable list online. Much easier :)

Ericka and Joe's Movie List!

Everafter (Melanie Lynskey)

Coyote Ugly (Bridget Monehan)

I, Robot (Will Smith)

Bad Boys 2 (Gabrielle Union)

Bring It On (Kiersten Dunst)

Spiderman (Kiersten Dunst)

Drop Dead Georgous (Alison Janney)

10 Things I Hate About You (Susan May Pratt)

Center Stage (Peter Gallagher)

Mr Deeds (Steve Buccemi)

Armageddon (Ben Affleck)

Daredevil (Jon Favreau)

The Break-Up (Vincent Denofrio)

MIB (Danny Divito mention)

Be Cool (John Travolto)

Hairspray (Brittany Snow)

John Tucker Must Die (Ashanti)

Coach Carter (Sam L Jackson)

SWAT (Noel Gugliemi)

Bruce Almighty (Steve Carell)

Anchorman (Tim Robbins)

IQ (Charles Durning)

Oh Brother Whereart Thou (George Clooney)

Ocean's 12 (Eddie Izzard)

Across the Universe (Helen Lloyd Breed)

Big Daddy (Steve Buccemi)

Monster House (Maggie Gylenhal)

Mona Lisa Smile (Kirsten Dunst)

Little Women (Claire Danes)

Romeo + Juliet (Leo)

The Departed (Mat Damon)

Bourne Identity (Gabriel Mann)

Josie and the Pussycats (Missy Pyle)

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory ( Johney Depp)

Finding Neverland (Johney Depp)

Corpse Pride (Helen Bothon Carter)

Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix (Gary Oldman)

5th Element (Milla Jovich)

Zoolander (Will Farell)

Old School (Will Farell)

Wedding Crashers (Ellen Albertini Dow)

Wedding Singer (Alex Arquette)

She's All That (Paul Walker)

Fast and the Furious (sequel)

2 Fast 2 Furious (car : lotus)

Pretty Woman (Hank Azaria)

Along Came Polly (Ben Stiller)

Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler)

The Waterboy (Kathy Bates)

P.S. I Love You (Gerard Butler)

300 (David Wenham)

LOTR: Return of the King (Bernard Hill)

Titanic (Kate Winslet)

Sense and Sensibility (refrence: Dashwood)

What a Girl Wants (Johnathan Pryce)

Pirates of the Carabean (Harold Perrineau)

The Matrix: Reloaded (Keanu Reeves)

The Lake House (Sandra Bulock)

Crash (Don Chidle)

Reign Over Me (Robert Klein)

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (big cop guy)

Miss Congeniality (song : mustang sally)

Where the Heart Is (Stockard Channing)

First Wives Club ( SJP)

Sex and the City (Joanna Gleason)

The Wedding Planner (Judy Greer)

27 Dresses (James Marsden)

Enchanted (Amy Adams)

Taladega Nights (meantion : Tom Cruise)

MI3 (Aaron Paul)

Whatever It Takes (James Franco)

Never Been Kissed (Octavia Spencer)

Win a Date With Tad Hamilton (Kate Bosworth)

Blue Crush (Michelle Rodreguez)

Resident Evel Trilogy (Joe Hursley)

Accepted (Carla Jimenez)

Nacho Libre (Jack Black)

Saving Silverman (Jack Black)

Envy (Christopher Walken)

Click (Rob Schneider)

The Hot Chick (Anna Feris)

The House Bunny (Happy Madison Production)

The Benchwarmers (song: we are young)

Clueless (Brittany Murphey)

Happy Feet (Hugh Jackman)

The Prestige (Hugh Jackman)

Xmen Trilogy (Brian Cox)

The Ringer (meantion: Jim Carey)

Liar Liar (Krista Allen)

Anger Management (Jack Nicolson)

Something's Gotta Give (Amanda Peet)

One Fine Day (Bitty Schram)

A Legue of Their Own (Tom Hanks)

Davinci Code (Paul Bettany)

A Knights Tale (song : queen)

Wayne's World (Tia Carrere)

Lilo and Stitch (Tia Carrere)

Wayne's World 2 (song: dude look like a lady)

Mrs. Doubtfire (Robbin Williams)

Hook (Dustin Hoffman)

Stranger than Fiction (Queen Latifa)

Bringing Down the House (Michael Rosenbaum)

Sorority Boys (Heather Matazzaro)

Princess Diaries (Hector Elizando)

Runaway Bride ( Miles Davis ref)

Billy Madison (bad clarinet scene)

Ferris Buler's Day Off (Matthew Broderick)

The Producers (Nathan Lane)

Austin Powers: Goldmember (Seth Green)

Knockaround Guys (Mike Starr)

Dumb and Dumber (Jim Carrey)

The Grinch (Christine Branski)

Adam's Family Values (Christine Ricci)

Penelope (Richard E. Grant)

Spice World (Elton John)

Moulin Rouge (John Liguizamo)

To Wong Fu, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar (Patrick Swazey)

Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (Diego Luna)

The Terminal (Zoe Saldana)

Guess Who (Ashton Kutcher)

Just Married (Ashton Kutcher)

A Lot Like Love (Lee Garlington)

Stick It (Missy Eliot)

Honey ("holla at your boy")

She's the Man ( Tatum Channing)

Step Up (Jenna Dewan)

Take the Lead (TBD!!)

2009-04-14T19:49:00.001-05:00

This is me, blogging through text! Yay!!

Blogspot trying to jump on the twitter wagon??

Rookie Mistake

2009-02-27T17:44:00.001-06:00

Hey, look at me stealing my neighbor's wireless internet! Why did I not know about this a YEAR ago?! WTFrick?!

Public Library Woes

2008-11-08T16:29:00.003-06:00

This post is going to be kind of lame-ace. Like many of the other, most recent ones. Mostly because I'm here, sitting at the library enclosed by 3 ten year old or so kids discussing whether or not the girl pictured on their computer is, or is not, a lesbian. I think they agreed that she is. What a shame. But seriously, I've wanted to write for some time now. Lacking an internet connection, however, makes that rather difficult. And it's safe to say that the st paul public library is hardly the environment to nurture any interesting thought that may chance to enter my mind. So then I make posts like these. Half-thoughts. Things I'd just love to expand on but can't do much with in the 21 minute time frame I have left after I do my Ebay bidding and online-bill-paying. So, once again, I'm still here. Still trying to write when I can. So those that are just dying for something else to chew up and spit out, you'll have it in due time. I'll leave you now with an interesting bit to think on... never mind, can't think of anything.

As the World Turns (to crap)

2008-04-14T17:49:00.005-05:00

I'd love to change that picture of me... it's gross. But I can't right now. Funny, that's the story of my life. . . "I can't right now". I can't earn a respectable living, I can't make ends meet, I can't afford the things that we NEED, let alone the things we want, I can't escape my obnoxiously persistent past (see "Facing your demons" if you're interested! It's gotten worse as of late), I can't even process information normally! Most importantly, I can't seem to feel good about anything. I can't find it in my heart to feel good about throwing myself into a new city, a new job, a new life, a new set of standards and rules and all those wonderful things that make my head spin. I've never been too great with change... and now is definitely not an exception!

Quick reply

2008-03-17T18:28:00.002-05:00

I apologize... I chronically distrust people. No offense!

Dear Anonymous

2008-03-04T13:44:00.005-06:00

To reply to whomever left the two comments recently, since they preferred to be left unknown...

Yes, I would love to keep blogging, but I have neither the time nor the internet access to accomplish said blogging :) I can only get in a few words here and there, mostly at the library or my parent's house; neither place is very good to "nurture the creative side" of anything! Thank you for the nod though! I didn't think anyone even read this thing. I might have to stop "shower blogging" and start minding who's listening! You're not by any chance someone I know are you?? Trying to be all sneaky, trying get me to say something naughty?? If so, you're naughty. And kind of pathetic. Grow a pair and say what you want to my face, not behind a missing alias. If I do not know you, however, and you are just some random person who stumbled upon my page... it was cool to hear from you! Thanks for taking the time to read my wandering assessments :) I'll be back soon. . . . . .

Little Tid.

2007-11-13T19:47:00.000-06:00

Imagine the things we would learn if we were all just comfortable in ourselves...

The Gift of Unpleasantry.

2007-11-12T19:59:00.001-06:00

How is it that some people have the amazing gift of insensitivity? The ability of being able to be completely rude and impolite without a single ounce of remorse? You may think that sounds slightly ridiculous but I'm not being the least bit sarcastic. Because, you see, I suffer from my little spot on the other side of the pendulum. Full of opinions and pent up anger but absolutely no knowledge of how to execute the proper snub without being completely ignorant. I care what people think of me far too much. I dread people being angry with me or of them thinking any bad thought about me. It's kept me in a prison of "I'm sorry"s and fake smiles... it's quite exhausting trying to please everyone all the time. I don't want to be one of those people who are constantly voicing their opposition, but I want to be able to pick myself up off the floor and stop being a door mat for crying out loud. I don't think people know what a talent it is to be rude without being ignorant. Trying to understand where people are coming from and trying to understand their "feelings" day in a day out doesn't do anyone any good, really. Sometimes you just need to slap a few people just for the heck of it otherwise you'll go crazy.

Snow and a Quick Hello

2007-11-11T00:54:00.000-06:00

I'm looking at the picture of me that's off to the right, and I miss two things. Those sunglasses, which broke not too long ago, and the sand. That beautiful sand! I didn't know that I could be envious of myself... that's a new emotion for me :) Instead of gulping mouthfuls of horrible saltwater and having sand stick to every part of my body (though not favorable at the time, trust me!), I'm here. In the Minnesota cold, watching winter slowly pull every last leaf off every tree. Curling quickly under the covers on top of the heated mattress pad that's somewhat strapped to my side of the bed. It hasn't even really given us a good snow yet and I'm already looking forward to the rainy muck that is spring. Yes, every season gives us something to complain about, but winter seems to give with both hands.

I guess I'm back now... I was forced to take a break from the whole blog thing, but hopefully I'll get a few more chances to write. Hopefully... All in all it's good to be back :)

Missing Links

2007-09-03T15:54:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm still here. A recent job change has forced me to actually do work instead of sit on a computer all day... dang it. It leaves me stranded from my dear blog, my dear stumble upon, and something even more dear to my heart... my Ebay (*swoon*). Speaking of Ebay, right now I'm waiting for the time to run out on a book I'm bidding on. You may have heard of it... Harry Potter something or other? Figured I'd jump on the bandwagon now that all the hoopla's over. So now it's not trendy, which I hate... it's vintage. Sounds much more sexy that way, don't you think?

Anyway... I was driving home yesterday and noticed that an all-to-familiar building from my past had been razed not too long ago. It's funny how something can bother you tremendously, then you get over it, and then that thing gets changed, or in this case destroyed, somehow and all you can do is miss what was. Even if you were completely over it, you still feel like a link to your past is missing. It's so strange how you can be so affected by something just because it isn't there anymore.

My synopsis for the day. I have to go, I'm at the "family-in-law's" house and I need to join Joe in watching one of the *thrilling* Resident Evil movies... yay :)

Lamé is French for "Crappy Poetry"

2007-07-27T13:08:00.000-05:00

I'm not a real person
An annoying deduction
By someone that wants a place
To have a voice
To be known

All I can write is
Heartless haiku and lame poems
Nothing from inside
Will ever grace pages
Or reach the ears of anyone
Who might want to know me

There are no mediums
To connect the creative
To any sort of creation
No songs will be sung, no paintings flecked
That haven't been expressed before

Worthless emotion
Stuffed down deep
Raked over, covered in hard clay
Nothing strong enough to crack it
Or let one thought be shown out loud

I want something spectacular
Something that'll touch people
Articulate and artistic
Everything comes out strained
And sloppy

Like this poem for example
A lot of words
Some make sense, some don't
But is it actually what I'm feeling
When I really just want to scream it?

6 months already?!?

2007-07-26T12:49:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to say... happy six month anniversary honey!!! I'd marry you all over again :)

Facing your demons

2007-07-26T11:23:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I found myself standing face to face with a person that I haven't spoken to or directly looked at in three years. A random pop-in of head aches and nausea in the form of a skinny emo-ed out boy. One who, out of the blue, decided "hey, saw your car, think we should still be friends, have you heard about my new band?" Huh??!? It was weird. I don't know what else to say but that. It was weird. Slightly surreal, but mostly just weird. And consequently, that's pretty much all I had to say while he was standing there waiting for me to further the awkward conversation we were having. "This is weird". I'm sure my face was a mixture of forced-awkward smiles and confusion, but I really can't recall due to the battle royal that was going on in my head. Me now vs. the me three years ago. The one who had let go vs. the one who would stare at her ceiling writing, slashing and revising about a thousand and twenty hateful words directed at none other than the person standing in front of me. Everything running through my head stopped without punctuation, just short of actually being a full thought. Everything was cut off with a generous helping of "what the heck is going ON?!"s... and at the same time asking myself why I wasn't saying anything that I actually thought.

After he left, I felt sick. Not physically, though there was that too, but so frickin sick of the fact that this stupid guy still had the ability to make me feel like nothing. Just the night before, Joe and I stayed up until about 4 am talking about our tendencies to do stupid things and how we both had to stop. Mine was mostly about the fact that I never assert myself. The outside is smiling and nodding while the inside is screaming everything that I want to say. It was a very empowering conversation that I thought I was fully on board with. But the very next day when I was faced with my first "test", what did I do? I smiled. I nodded. I let a ton of things race through my head but not one syllable came across my lips. I was once again reduced to a door mat for this schmuck to walk all over. You know, you think you've come so far until you're actually face to face with... yourself I guess. It took an insignificant two minute encounter, that will no doubt ruin my weekend, to show me that even though I've matured a ton in some areas, I'm still far away from being able to have a calm conversation about just how much I dislike something or someown. Or even better, a guilt-free witch slap. How's that for personal growth??

Corperate Jesus

2007-07-25T12:28:00.000-05:00

On a re-reading of this... it's sloppy. I would change a lot about it because it goes around in circles and I sound like I'm being defensive and judging church in general, which I'm really not. I'm too tired right now :) So looks like you're going to have to take it how it is, whiner! (The sad part is, I'm talking to myself because no one ever reads this... yay.)

When you're young, you don't question. At least not often anyway. You go to church, you try to find your own general balances, but ultimately end up accepting what's put in front of you as reality. Some people don't care much about religion or God in general, and others scrape to reach seemingly impossible standards. You know that something real is out there, but you never quite understand it. If you get injected with just enough religion over the years you eventually become immune to it. You get the head knowledge to replace the heart knowledge that you never really got.

It's taken me 10 years to even start to realize that church isn't necessary for a relationship with God. Some people don't get what they want from a church so they say "screw God" altogether, which is what I did for a while. I would have never openly admitted it, but now that I look back, that's really what happened. I always knew, but never really grasped the fact that religion is not required for a personal relationship with God. The reference I was always cited was the verse in 2 Corinthians 8:4 about "not forsaking the fellowship of the saints". That was always told to me as "the Bible says go to church". I think that's a pretty ignorant deduction! I have certain 17 year old girls telling me that they wished I still went to church because now I'm wasting my life and that I used to be "such a good person". I've accomplished more and have been affirmed more by talking to a spiritual friend than I have by going to church on more than a hundred occasions. Worship was always defined to me as "anything that connects you to the heart of God". Anything that gives you that stirring... that revelation feeling when you know that God is very much present. There's not one way to worship, which isn't usually explored in most churches. I'm not up for a church that doesn't respect your journey and just demands an end result. Only you know where you're at, and that's you and God's business :)

I'm not saying that you should go ahead and invent a god that'll fit into your own little box of ideals. I know a lot of people that choose the things that they want to do and plan God around it. For instance, a divorced friend of mine doesn't want to go through the hassle of getting married again, so they just plan to have sex with their partner to "prove their commitment" to the other person. And this person is known around the churchyard as a Bible zealot. One of the more "godly" people when compared to others (another thing that shouldn't be done!).

If church works for you, that's great. I'm just not interested in a packaged product. A very wise person once told me something that makes more sense to me than anything ever has... "I know three things -- God is real, You can talk to Him, and He cares for you." I guess that's all I really need to know!

Today's goal

2007-07-23T11:51:00.000-05:00

I have one simple ambition today... to do nothing. I'm at work currently, and I'm just not frickin feelin it. Today has very low "boss pop-in" potential, so I think I'm cool to just veg out... be still like vegetables... lay like broccoli :) I fully intend to be online for as long as possible and do some hard core pointless surfing. I found the coolest thing the other day... It's sponsored by ebay and it's called "stumble upon". You check off a few boxes of the things you're interested in from a long list, and hit a button on a tool bar that they give you, and BAM!! It takes you to some of the most fascinating, engrossing, stirring, and even pretty lame websites I've ever seen. I'm one of the many web-search handicapped who can never find anything fascinating to look at, but this "stumble" thing is frickin awesome! I fully intend to take advantage of its stumbling genius. Hopefully for most of the day :)

A quick cap on the Googs.

2007-07-12T18:16:00.001-05:00

It's amazing how your life can get scattered all over the Internet without even realizing it.

Who hasn't googled themself? I mean seriously... it's interesting to everyone, I don't care who you are. I was not so horrified but somewhat offended that both by maiden name and married name didn't turn up any hits. I mean, my domain name for this blog is my name and that didn't even show up, come on! So I tried the screen name I've had since 8th grade, and to my surprise... whoa. Not the million a one hits you'd get if you typed in "Adam Brody", but I got three whole pages dedicated to the one and only me! YES! It wasn't until I looked closer that I realized... "hey, aren't these pictures I posted in 2000-frickin-2? Ones I *probably* don't want to rehash seeing that I trashed the originals long long ago?" Yeah. Along with a few questions I had asked on a bulletin board when I couldn't find the right flats to go with my prom duds. I guess that's the trail I've left. My big mark on the Internet experience... a few shallow questions and an even more shallow failed relationship.

It got me thinking (more accurately, it gave me a cheap segway for talking about something I've been thinking about for a while, to be honest)... people just want to be heard. To be known and noticed. Even people like me who would really rather do without a ton of attention still gets offended when her name doesn't pop up on google.com. Why do people even have things like blogs or myspace? People just want to know that what they think and say matters. They want to have a noticeable identity, no matter how unnoticed they want to saunter through life.

I should buy stock in lipstick...

2007-07-02T10:26:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's because I'm stressed. Maybe it's the four hours of sleep I got last night. But why I did this, I guess only a professional would know...

I'm at work doing my crap when I looked up and got a glimpse of something out the window... a car that I red-flagged as bad a while ago when I found out who drives one. The one I saw wasn't even a specific car, not even THE car, just the make and model I've come to hate... anyway, my stomach did that little jumpy "holy frick" thing that it just loves to do, so I practically ran to the back room, reached in my bag, and grabbed my... ... ... guess. No, not my gun. Not my composure or even my self respect. Out of all the things I could have grabbed for, I grabbed my lipstick. For those of you who don't know my very well, Ericka doesn't wear lipstick. Lipgloss, if I have the energy for it. But NEVER lipstick. Who knows why I even have any to begin with! Anyway, so I quickly slip some on for who the heck knows why and peek out the front window only to see a mom and her two little girls running across the parking lot in the rain after emerging from the dreaded car.

It's been a while since I've felt that ridiculous...

I stood there for a few seconds telling myself that it's about time that a strapped on a pair, when in walks a terminally polite but fake woman who's said some horrible things about me recently. I wanted to frickin tell her to get the heck out of the store. Or at least not return her catty banter and perhaps let on to the fact that I know what she really thinks of me with some sly little remark that would hit its mark but slip back unnoticed. But no, not me. All I could do was smile and answer her condescending questions and think to myself, "it's okay, cause I'm wearing lipstick". Are you kidding me? I wish I was exaggerating! There I was, looking into the face of someone that makes me so furious, and all I could do was wonder if she approved of the way I looked.

Why is that my curse? Even though I know what's really true... that it doesn't matter what I look like and I'm no less of a person if I'm wearing sweatpants or all dressed up, and I can be so okay with just being me in my own home... I still feel like I have to perform for people. I feel like I have to be someone different. I genuinely don't feel like I need to be on anyone's radar but try to be accepted anyway. I just don't get it.

I'm not saying that I haven't made progress, but I guess I'm not as far as I thought. It's like my Myspace headline/quote thing said last... "the past is the future with the lights on". You're you. History will probably repeat itself. Shouldn't you ready yourself to react better the second or third or fiftieth time around?

Well hey :)

2007-06-28T13:31:00.001-05:00

Here I am again...

Due to a few personal reasons and that fact that I just felt pretty lame, I broke from my little stint at MySpace recently to go back to where it all started... Blogspot. I haven't deleted it quite yet though since I still have to purge my page of any noteworthy tidbit I may want to save. Some may notice that I pulled a few of my blogs from my MySpace page that I couldn't just throw away. But who actually knows who I'm talking to at this point. Probably no one. Only 5 or so people acually read my blogs on MySpace so whether or not they'll click over to read my stuff on here, it's doubtful! It's kind of liberating though... knowing that probably no one is reading what you're writing. No need to sensor or edit so it's PC for everyone. I have the freedom to be pretty nasty... taking that freedom is doubtful though! Might just depend on the day :)

Oh well. Just a little welcoming note from me :) Nothing specific.

Worthy of me. (May 23rd, 2007)

2007-06-28T10:24:00.001-05:00

I love my friends and will do just about anything for them when they need it. But when it comes down to it, I'm worried about taking care of me . I'm worried about my business. About my life. No I don't think this is selfish, I think it's necessary in order to move forward with any sort of normal psychological function and to develop the character and courage I never knew I had. The things I'm only now slowly starting to unearth from the years that I did everything for everyone's good opinion. Having a taste of my courage has led me to realize that ultimately, I do not care what you horrible people think of me because your judgments and opinions are ridiculous and unsolicited. Your snide remarks and empty threats are not going to move me enough to do what you want me to. But feel free to keep trying. You'll soon find that "christian gossip" is a very ill thing.
(I know of four maybe five people that read my little rants. So to you (probably very bored) people... know that this is probably not directed towards you!)

Ebay is a Virtue (May 14th, 2007)

2007-06-28T10:23:00.001-05:00

I equate Ebay to road rage... All you really want to do is get where you want to go as easily as possible. But the other idiot drivers (in this case, "price driver-uppers") keep cutting you off, revving their engines, and giving you the finger. And you want to give it right back. But there are no cars. There's personal accounts. Bidding. Driving up the price of something seemingly insignificant just because they can. It's much more personal and sneaky. So is the tangled web that is Ebay.com. So my question is this: why won't people just let you slip in, buy the thing you want, and slip out unnoticed and happy? I found the one thing I was looking for at a fabulous price of $5, which is now at $25. I've been going back and forth with one lady for close to 5 hours because she just won't back the frick down! She will not leave it alone! But even worse, I am physically not able to do that either. For a fleeting moment I contemplated sending her hate mail. You know, rough her up a little. Give her the proverbial finger and promptly tell her to bite me. Because I'm all too confident in the fact that I'll probably keep going all the way up to retail price, which is pretty dumb. All I know is this... pamjc07, whoever you are, I hate you.

My pretentious view of a pretentious world (May 12th, 2007)

2007-06-28T10:22:00.001-05:00

My favorite word these days is "pretension"... and how stupid of a concept it is. Why do we fall for it? Why do we LET people tell us that they're more important than us? And why do we believe it? Why are we made to think that some people are better than others?
Why are expensive clothes better than cheaper ones? When discount retailers print a "big-name" logo on a cheap tee-shirt just so people without a million dollars can feel important at a low price? In my opinion it's pretty ridiculous and stupid of a person to spend so much money on something so simple as body covering... and most clothes at ridiculously-overpriced stores don't even cover anything anyway! It's almost encouraging people to have no respect for their bodies and show everyone every part of them.
Why are fancy cars considered better? My car may not be as *shiny* as yours but it has one very important feature... it gets me where I need to go! And guess what... it cost thousands less than yours! Who looks smarter now?
Why are slender people considered more beautiful? Are they more significant because of the useless fact that they weigh less? Congratulations... you don't eat anything. Must be a very fulfilling life you lead.
Why do certain restaurants make you wear certain things just so you can be allowed to absorb some of their fabulousness? Food is food. Sometimes more expensive = better quality, but not usually.
People are far too self-important. Even in me writing this I'm basically 'looking down' on our entire culture. And that's not right to think either. But it drives me nuts when people look at you sideways with eyebrows raised because you're wearing sweatpants in a sea of Hollister. If you don't feel comfortable because you're not 'in fashion' then you might as well stay home. how can you be real with other people if you can't even be real with yourself??

When Bible Nazis become harlots (May 10th, 2007)

2007-06-28T10:21:00.001-05:00

"Just speak the truth... but in love"

"Okay, how exactly?"

"Point out what's Biblicly wrong about what they're doing, but don't judge them."

"Isn't that just a tad pretentious?"

"Not if you do it right."

"There's a 'right' way to call someone an idiot??"

Apparently there is! A real conversation I had yesterday with another person that had a 'save the world' complex taught me this... keep your mouth shut. For someone with so much anger and no control of her words, like myself, no good can come of confrontation. People are dumb. That's that. No one is going to "heed your mighty words" and immediately stop being what they're being when what they're being is dumb. Even if I were to say, "You are a brazenly selfish human being who esteems themself far too highly and I would love nothing more than to slap you across the face, but I love ya" (cause you have to say it in love, remember...), it wouldn't matter. All criticism falls on deaf ears when the ears belong to someone who thinks they're fabulous. So no confrontation for me. I've never been good at them anyway. Phew!

Plus size virgin (April 9th, 2007)

2007-06-28T10:20:00.001-05:00

Lives change, people change, and among other things, bodies change. It's not something you really fall victim to, it just happens. And such is that, it was a combination of life changes, bad choices, the love of junk food and a blatant lack of will power that led me, the former Pilates mogul of 125 lbs, to lose my plus-size boutique virginity.
Easter means pretty dresses and nice ties, among other things. Joe wanted to wear his new suit and I was down to my wedding dress and a little black dress that I could squeeze into. I couldn't find a single pretty Easter anything anywhere in Cambridge or the surrounding areas. Going to the mall would be even more fruitless because all that's there are the stores I USED to shop at but am no longer able to. The only other option I could think of was making the long trip to MOA and visiting a little store called Torrid... the plus size store.
I'm still not used to my abundant excess weight, so needless to say I was a little apprehensive to just go marching right into this place. It was sadly a very emotional quest for me. One I almost didn't even make because I just stood in front of the dang place for about 5 minutes scared to even peer in because the people sitting on the benches in front of it will know what I was about to do and judge me for it. I didn't even want Joe to go in there with me and he kept asking me what the heck was going on. Then I left. I walked quickly and crabbily in any direction leading away and ended up standing in the middle of the theme park next to the Easter Bunny. Just standing. Feeling pretty stupid and wanting to go home and begging Joe to let me leave.
Such an emotional reaction over something so trivial. I never thought I was so into vanity, or that a larger number was worse than a small one. I felt so pathetic and so hypocritical. I knew that I was a "big girl" now (in more ways than one), and I knew people had been noticing my grand transformation, but there was something about showing to the world that I, Ericka Audette, couldn't find a decent Easter dress anywhere other than Torrid in MOA. I didn't think I was ready to make my grand declaration.
I felt to stupid. So stupid in fact, that I decided to make my way back through the maze and go find a stinkin dress. I still didn't let Joe go in with me. I made him go to the Journeys across the way. As I peeked around I was relieved to see that they had some of the cutest clothes I'd seen in a long time, as well as a ton of Hello Kitty stuff (hehe). Nothing was horrific or emotionally scaring. I even waved Joe to come in because I realized that there was nothing scary about where I was. I felt more secure there than I had in a long time. No little skinny people gawking at me, and the comfortablilty of knowing that everything there would fit me easily. It was a better experience than I every thought it would be :)
The moral of this story? I don't really think there is one. I'm just happy to know that I might be on my way to accepting that I am the way that I am, and I have a few options if I don't feel like changing it right away :)

Sick and Tired (March 30, 2007)

2007-06-28T10:18:00.001-05:00

Why do I do the stupid things that I do?

Looking at things that I know are going to do this to me...

Pages of people that have so greatly altered my life that I think I will always miss them because no matter what they were a part of my life that I can never have back.

Feeling like years of my life are a deep, dark secret that you can never entertain or they'll consume you. Or worse, hurt the people closest to you.

I've once again entered that place where nothing you are feels real. You look at what you were, and wonder how the heck you ended up where you are now. You long for those days back, when Christianity was all you saw so it was your only option. It was safe... it was ridiculous. I'm not dumb enough to frickin renounce my Christianity, but it just doesn't seem real anymore. Or did it ever?

I couldn't sleep one night so I stared at the wall and ticked off all the things that would "qualify" me as being a "good Christian". And everything I came up with made me want to rip a hole in my head and meticulously pull out the memory of each individual thing. Realizing that everything I used to stand on and defend myself with mean absolutely nothing. Having the enders in the church pat me on the head because I was a good little praise and worship leader was all I cared about. No one knew about my life outside of the church. Leadership should have never been an option. "Faith without works is dead"... I think works without faith are stupid.
I didn't mean any of it because it didn't make sense to me. I'm far too screwed up to have ever taken anything seriously. I've become such a good faker... I'm a horrible person inside but few people have ever been witness to it because god forbid anyone ever sees me as anything but ditzy and happy.

I won't even swear our loud because I have it pounded in my brain so far that I think a hole's going to open up under me and swallow me all the way to hell.

I know good and bad, saints and sinners, all that. But it's all just a front on my part. I'm starting to think that I don't care if it's outward or not. I don't care about offending anyone and I sure as heck don't want to keep apologizing for myself. Haha... the fact that I just said "heck" right there really proves a lot, doesn't it? I'm all talk I guess.

Drive (March 10, 2007)

2007-06-28T10:17:00.001-05:00

The drive home never gets easier, does it? It always serves as an unwanted break from reality. It's as if your life is on pause as you sift through each memory, humoring the ones that float by painlessly, and quickly striking down the ones that you refuse to let in. Such is my drive from Cambridge to Pine City. And so explains the melancholy demeanor of 90% of my blogs. I blame old songs and the steady sound of my car's engine. . .

Damaged (Sept 26, 2006)

2007-06-28T10:16:00.001-05:00

Why do things have to change so dramatically? If you take one step in any direction whatsoever, everything you were previously standing on disappears.
You can never go back.

You can never fully regain a friend you've lost.

You can never go home and feel at home again after you move away.

Memories that used to comfort you only make you ache.

Nothing is ever the same.

It's like life is this perpetual machine that doesn't ever stop working. If you pause to remember anything or to even try to discern where your next step should be or whether or not you've made good decisions, it just rolls over you.

There is no damage control... you can never say "stop, I didn't really want to be here, let me go back".

Nothing ever feels good anymore. Every ounce of my life is smothered by things I've tried to push away, and I can't see past all of it.

Everything always comes full circle, especially the things you don't want to see ever again.
I just don't know what to do with any of it.

In memory of Hoot (April 6, 2006)

2007-06-28T10:13:00.001-05:00

Current mood: sad
My little Hoot love... my sweet baby is gone for good. My 'house-mates' Jessica and Garrett got rid of her today (so what if she peed on his Nintendo game box... CRY about it!). They've threatened many times before, but I always convinced them to let her stay. But she has peed her last I guess. My poor little tubby Hoot. Okay, okay... I know she wasn't *technically* my cat, but I don't care. I loved her like she was. She kept me company when I was lonely and loved me when no one else in the world did. She took care of me when I was sad and cuddled with me on cold nights (and everyone who's been there knows that my house gets COLD!). I will forever miss her. Goodbye my baby love :(
My favorite memories... (can you hear the violins??)

*The way she slipped on the floor when she walked
*The way you could tell when she was coming because her collar jingled
*The way she sounded like she was cussing under her breath when she meowed sometimes
*When she slept right on my chest with my cheek as her pillow
*Cole yelling "Hoot, come for dinner" in the way that only Cole can (you’re awesome, dude)*How she would start meowing whenever Joe sang and go stand right in front of him
*How she would follow him EVERYWHERE, even into the bathroom*The fact that she could actually glair at you... she was so crabby, it was hilarious
*How she would automatically start purring when she saw you. You didn't even have to touch her or say her name.
*Tiffany running across the street and ripping her out of the neighbor boy's arms yelling "that's our cat!" when the stupid neighbors stole her for a whole month.
*How she licked you CONSTANTLY, even on the face. It was so so SO annoying at 3 in the morning, but it was hilarious.
*How she always fell off the back of the couch
*Her little bow-legged run*How she loved everyone, regardless of whether she knew you or not.
If anyone else has anything to add, please feel free. Hoot was an awesome kitty and was loved by many. I know this is more than mildly pathetic, but I don't stinkin care :)

A fun-filled laundry adventure! Won't you come along?? (sarcasm? Oh yeah) (March 9, 2006)

2007-06-28T10:11:00.001-05:00

You know, a few things run through a person's head when they write a big ol' blog and then the computer decides to have a STROKE and shut itself down, causing them to lose everything they just took the dang time to write... one of those things is "do I really want to attempt to recreate what I just wrote, or should I just complain about the actual event of me losing my 'precious' words?". I obviously chose the later. Dang computer... ANYWAY, I am presently at a friend's house doing what I do best -- unknowingly abusing someone's good hospitality. I am "mail-sitting" someone's house right now (which means I get their mail for them while their gone. Kinda like house-sitting, yet somehow... not like house-sitting. Hmmm...), and taking advantage of the fact that they love me by doing all (and I do mean ALL) of my laundry and utilizing their internet connection. I'm a tad bored. So I chose to write to you. Yes, YOU. Don't you just feel wonderful? I am, of course, talking to the two people that actally read what I write... hi Ali and Tara!! Miss you both :( You know, if anyone else actually reads this, let me know. Drop a line or something... give me some indication that your eyes actually got this far. Please oh please :) Must go, I need to go put in another load... hehe.
P.S. I'm only being dramatic about the laundry thing... they wouldn't care and they offer anyway. I'm not a bad person I swear... maybe ;)

Move Along (Jan 15, 2006)

2007-06-28T10:10:00.000-05:00

Isn't it amazing the effect a song can have on a person? Yikes. One song can bring back such strong memories -- where you were, exactly what you were wearing, the smells, the intensity of what you were feeling, who you heard it with -- even if you haven't heard it for years. In this case it's been... wow, four months. It wrenches your heart and begs you to remember every detail. And the worst part is, you can't help BUT remember.
I'm laying in bed playing with my new IPod (yay), and the song "Move Along" by The All American Rejects comes on. My eyes instantly well up against my will and I'm suddenly reliving every time I heard this particular song. Driving to rent a movie with Garrett, Keenan and Jessica in August, Garrett blasting it as loud as he can (of course) in his little red car, me in the back passenger seat drowning in my thoughts of where I can go and what I can do to get away from everything, because everything hurt. My first day at my new apartment in September, all alone for the first time in my LIFE, sitting on my bare bed staring at the vacant rooms, scared as... yeah, well, "a very bad place". I played that whole CD, but particularly that one song, on repeat the whole day while I was unpacking and scrubbing the stinkin nasty floors. Driving on my first day to my horrible new job at Wallgreens, wondering what the heck I got myself into. Driving back from Wallgreens to a lonely apartment wondering how the heck I'm going to keep myself from going crazy until the next day, when it would start all over again. Thank goodness that's over... this song used to be one of the only things that could make me feel a little bit strong, now it's definitely a song that can make me feel exactly what I was feeling then... hopeless. Alone. Scared as CRAP that nothing is going to be normal ever again.
I guess I never really noticed how far I've come since then. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a complete mess, but not a train wreck. I'm doing this, and as corny as it sounds, I'm excited to actually find out who "me" is. Never will I want to go through this again, but how can I not be thankful for it? God has His ways of breaking us, and I was pretty much... shattered. But the thing that all those pieces make when they get put back together in the right places -- where they were supposed to be in the first place -- is so much more beautiful than the heap I had glued together to begin with.

When all you gotta keep is strong

Move along, move along like I know ya do

And even when your hope is gone

Move along, move along just to make it through

Move along